What is Hell?

Alright, regardless of your religious views, let's just agree right now that there is a place after death called HELL.  Okay, if you're not too full of yourself and can play along, let's together try and imagine what HELL would be like.  I have surveyed a few friends and family and these are the answers I have received.  I shall list only a few and than talk a little about each one in italics afterwards.  Keep in mind these are not my opinions of HELL, they have been submitted by others.  If any of them offend you don't comment as to why, as I don't care to hear it.


1.  Pain and suffering all the time. (pretty vague, sounds more like the reality a lot of folks live here on earth.  I am glad you contributed but you lack imagination)
2.  Being locked in a box underground FOREVER! (This would truly suck...as after a few 1000 years even suffering would be somewhat desirable.  I liked this answer...horrible thought, but the answer lost credit because it also lacked imagination.  But again, it is a truly terrifying thought.)
3.  Seeing your loved ones suffering every day. (Ouch...this is a killer answer.  Having a daughter myself I could hardly bare the thought.  Fucking horrible thought you sick bastard- yet very effective.)
4.  Chewing on cotton balls. (Sweet Jesus, this is just awful.  I tired it afterwards to see and what a sick little ripple it sent into my body...ewww.  But hardly worthy of HELL...bad answer.)
5.  Like no pain or fear you have ever experienced, the direct opposite of all that is pure and holy. (I don't know what is truly pure and holy, but I catch the drift.  This answer had potential, but missed the 'send a shiver down my spine' thingy I was looking for)
6.  Continuous job application through EMS juridical hiring processes. (HA, a friend who had to suffer though the same process a lot of Paramedics do after graduation...good answer only if you've been there, but not so bone chilling otherwise.  Too personally bitter, no imagination, try again.)
7.  Lots of fire, lots of red, hearing lots of crying and a lot of people asking "why" (Great effort in this one, this person obviously gave it some thought and put themselves in this place for a time in their head which deserves an "A" for effort.)
8.  Hosting an acid-pride-parade-after-party for Elton John and his flamer buddies. (LOL...an obvious homophobic response.  If hell is real the devil is certainly going to sodomize you now dude.  Creative answer for someone so full of  homo-fear.  Your poor little sphincter is in serious trouble if you screw up on earth now bud..sucks to be you.  Personally I think taking an acid trip with Elton would be the least of my worries in HELL...I might actually enjoy dropping the odd tab while there...fuck, why not?)
9. A place where your greatest fears and failures congregate and torture you for eternity.  (oh man, this is a bad feeling to imagine.  Failure can be unpleasant, but teamed up with all your fears...yikes.  However, eventually, say 1000 years, your fears would bore you and possibly start to entertain you so you lose points.)
10.  Eternal solitude. Consciousness with no external input. (Fuck man, how awful. Right up there with the being locked in a small box forever comment.  I think having no avenue to experience output would also be horrible to add to this.  However, you get props for the utter thought of being alone forever.)
11.  Being frozen, a constant feeling of betrayal.  (Yikes, looks like we all know who's been cheated on before.  That sucks, hope you can get over it!  I like the cold aspect, you get HELL points for your creativity here.)
12.  This blog.  (Another one of my supportive friends who thinks I'm a loser for blogging)

13. Beksinski paintings coming to life.  (2 pictures on this post are Beksinski.  Good answer, I like a visual reference.  Looking at his other works I would have to agree this would be terrible, yet kinda cool to see art become animated.  Eventually while faced with eternity the idea of his works coming to life would be interesting.)

Okay, so you've all just given the Devil a great idea for you...hahaha.  I think the winner so far is #2 and #10.  Just imagine how awful that would be.  I'm hitting confession on the way back from work.  SO, I am going to update this as I get more replies.  Please comment on your favorites and encourage others to add to the list.

The Great Seat debate

My folks raised me, with what they believed, to be the characteristics of a gentleman. I ALWAYS say please and thank you, I always hold the door open for people, I only expel flatulence in private, I sit down to take a pee when in someone else house so I don't spray the floor with drops, and I chew with my damn mouth closed - especially when on the phone.

One of the things I have always been aware of regardless of parental instilled values is that women are POWERFUL. They are a force that no man has the power to reckon with. (even men with a touch of lavender) As with any powerful force there is an element of respect one must provide when in the company of said force, and as such, I always, always, always put the toilet seat down after a stand-up pee pee. Now, as I said earlier I hardly ever do the stand-up leak when I am a guest at someones home, but 2010 has changed me...I am beginning to see the joy in making the splashy sound in the toilet. I like to watch the golden stream fly out from the tip of my penis and make rabidesque bubbles froth atop the bowl water. Often I will place one square of toilet paper into the bowl and try and pee it into a pulp. I enjoy this, I am unsure why, it actually frightens me to think about the reasons.

SO... the great debate: I left the bowl seat up at work the other day and was scolded by a powerful force who had almost had a sit down on the seatless rim (which I found temporarily humorous) But it sparked a fantastic lunch room debate and I believe I have come out victorious. Option 1. I leave the seat down after I peep out my pee, and then some jack-ass comes in with no manners and pees his pee all over the seat as he tries and fails to pee-pee into the center bowl (yes this happens, a lot of men are lazy believe it or not) Then when a man who has to poop or a woman without enough hovering muscle in her thighs comes along to use the toilet they have to wipe piss off the seat first. GROSS!
Option 2. I leave the seat up after I pee or deuce, and when another man wants to drop his deuce or when a lady wants to do some of her business, all they do is simply put the seat down, and put it back up when they drop off their mess.  BOOM...a clean seat always!
Option 2 ALWAYS leaves the seat clean for everyone to enjoy, whereas Option 1 leaves room for trouble.
A woman may cry, "why is it so hard to put the seat down" the correct response is simple, "becasue I CARE about you" The real question is, why are some of you so damn lazy that you can't leave the seat up??